A joke in the traditional manner

This one comes from the Spiritus Mundi, maker unknown. And it’s new to me:

What did the one snowman say to the other?

The punchline is in the comments.

More jokes in the traditional manner
The Autobahn : Did you hear about the cow coloratura? : Did you hear about the new insect hybrid? : Did you hear about the shape-shifting car? : Did you hear about the thieving produce clerk? : Elementary school : A Golden Retriever : How did Bela Lugosi know what to expect? : How did Samuel Clemens do all his long-distance traveling? : How do amoebas communicate? : How do birds communicate with distant family and friends? : How do ghosts hide their wrinkles? : How do worms get to the supermarket? : Of all the songs in the Great American Songbook, which is the favorite of pirates? : What did the doctor tell his forgetful patient to do? : What did the plumber do when embarrassed? : What do cows like to watch on TV? : What do dogs always insist on when they buy a car? : What do ducks like to eat? : What happens when a senior citizen visits a podiatrist? : What is the favorite toy of philosophers’ children? : What kind of pasta do swimmers like? : What’s the name of the Illinois town where dentists want to live? : What’s the worst thing about owning nine houses? : What was the shepherd doing in the garden? : Where do amoebas golf? : Where does Paul Drake keep his hot tips? : Which member of the orchestra was best at handling money? : Who’s the lead administrator in a school of fish? : Why are supervillains good at staying warm in the winter? : Why did the doctor spend his time helping injured squirrels? : Why did Oliver Hardy attempt a solo career in movies? : Why did the ophthalmologist and his wife split up? : Why does Marie Kondo never win at poker? : Why is the Fonz so cool? : Why sharpen your pencil to write a Dad joke? : Why was Santa Claus wandering the East Side of Manhattan?

[“In the traditional manner”: by or à la my dad. He gets credit for the Autobahn, the elementary school, the Golden Retriever, Bela Lugosi, Samuel Clemens, the doctor, the plumber, the senior citizen, Oliver Hardy, and the ophthalmologist. Elaine gets credit for the birds and the Illinois town. Ben gets credit for the supervillains in winter. My dad was making such jokes long before anyone called them dad jokes.]

How to pronounce Leuchtturm

As I await the arrival of a Leuchtturm1917 planner, I have learned that Leuchtturm is not only a name but a word, meaning “lighthouse.” And I’ve learned its pronunciation, which I won’t approximate in this post. But here’s a short video with the pronunciation. Also a much longer and incredibly helpful one that goes through Leuchtturm letter by letter before moving on to the pronunciation of the word (at the 11:11 mark), the history of the company, and the meaning of the name.

[I already knew how to pronounce “1917.”]

Efforting, or effort as a verb

Stephanie Ruhle on MSNBC’s The Eleventh Hour last night: “[They’re] not even efforting him.”

Elaine and I were hearing the word efforting for the first time, and it snapped us out of our eleventh-hour torpor. But the use of effort as a verb is not all that new.

Grammarphobia looked at effort as a verb in 2007 and found it in the Oxford English Dictionary as a transitive, marked obsolete, defined as “to strengthen, fortify,” with one 1661-ish citation: “He efforted his spirits with the remembrance ... of what formerly he had been.”

Speaking of Donald Trump’s Republican rivals (with the exception of Chris Christie), Ruhle meant something else: They’re not even trying hard; they’re not even making an effort to mount a challenge.

A quick look at Google Books shows that efforting is also used as a noun, a gerund, and that it can mean not trying hard but trying too hard: “Keeping things simple means being willing to let go of ‘efforting’ — or trying too hard.” So how to make it clear that someone is trying hard or that someone is trying too hard? By avoiding the use of effort as a verb.

I hereby pronounce the verb effort a skunked term. From the Garner’s Modern English Usage entry for skunked term: “any use of it is likely to distract some readers.” Or some viewers of The Eleventh Hour.

[“Eleventh-hour torpor”: we’re on Central Time, but we record the show. It really was eleventh-hour torpor. Fulsome, one of Bryan Garner’s examples of skunked terms, is a word we hear all the time on the news: “fulsome praise,” “a fulsome investigation.”]

Claudine Gay has resigned

Claudine Gay has resigned the presidency of Harvard University. The New York Times has extensive coverage.

When the charges of plagiarism against Gay became news, I recalled my theory of plagiarism: “plagiarism seems to be governed by a sliding scale, with consequences lessening as the wrongdoer’s status rises.” I thought she’d make it through. But no.

It doesn’t matter who brought the charges (in this case, people whose politics are abhorrent to me). Plagiarism — or research misconduct, or whatever one wants to call it — is a serious matter. Many an undergraduate has been penalized for far less than what appears in Gay’s scholarship.

I recall telling an undergrad who had lifted a single unattributed sentence from a news article, “You can't just take someone else’s words and put them in as your own.” I was cautioning that student: Please, don’t do this. Not good! Someone should have said something like that to Gay.

Helen Keller on tolerance

Helen Keller, “On Optimism” (1903).

This essay is included in the New York Review Books volume of Keller’s writing, The World in Live In (2012).

Also from this book
On lines : On horizons

Recently updated

Not yet A Great Day Now with the 1995 reprise.

How many retired English professors does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, sort of. I am not completely hopeless.

The problem: the dome/globe hiding the dead bulb would not budge.

Steps taken:

~ Fetch ladder from garage. Climb.

~ Attempt to loosen dome by hand. Grip tightly and twist. Repeat.

~ Attempt to loosen dome by hand. Grip tightly and twist while wearing silicone oven mitts. Repeat.

~ Use a Q-tip to apply a tiny amount of liquid silicone between the dome and its metal collar. Grip tightly and twist, without and with silicone oven mitts. Repeat.

~ Schedule with the electrician: January 8, 10:00 a.m.

~ Dismiss the suggestion Elaine found on Reddit: use a shoe. A shoe? No way.

~ Refuse to give up.

~ Watch several YouTube videos suggesting methods of removal: Gorilla Tape, a rubber extension cord, a screwdriver. A screwdriver? No way.

~ Find a video showing a sneaker in action. Hmm.

~ Use the bottom of a Merrell shoe. Tap all around. Won’t budge. Tap all around. Budges slightly. Tap all around. More budging. More tapping. More budging. More tapping. More budging. Finally the dome is free.

~ Replace bulb, climb down, call to cancel the electrician.

The reassuring but also alarming thing: the problem is common, as evidenced by the number of YouTube videos proposing solutions.

[The last “home repair” of the year. Post title, as well as shoe suggestion, from Elaine.]

Missing Moleskine pages

[March 25 followed by April 11. Really.]

For me, the ritual of the new year’s Moleskine planner begins as the old year ends. First comes the removal of shrinkwrap, followed by the use of an iron to uncrease the silk-ribbon marker. Thank you for not laughing at my ritual.

When I began writing in some details of the new year yesterday — birthdays, appointments — I did a doubletake, really. And indeed, sixteen days are missing from this pocket-sized daily planner. This fail is not a one-off: a 2012 YouTube video shows an eighteen-month pocket-sized weekly planner that jumps from August 19 to October 10. An Amazon review has a photograph of a 2024 pocket-sized weekly planner that runs from January 1 to March 17, then from January 22 to March 17, and then from July 8 on. The luck of the Irish?

The only calendar I think I should proofread is the one I make myself every year. But perhaps proofreading a Moleskine well in advance of the new year is a wise policy. The opportunity to return my planner to Amazon ran out in August, and no, they would not make an exception. (I called.) I’ve let Moleskine, whose planners I’ve been using since 2006, know about the problem with my planner. And I’m now waiting on a Leuchtturm planner and an extra oppportunity for engaging in a ritual. This Moleskine planner will be my last.

*

February 5: After finding the Leuchtturm week-on-two-pages format uncongenial, I caved and bought a replacement Moleskine. I’m still waiting on a reply to a letter to Moleskine U.S., sent January 9.

*

The story of my effort to get a refund for my defective Moleskine continues here and here.

Public Domain Day

New Year’s Day is also Public Domain Day. Among the items falling out of copyright today: the Carl Theodor Dreyer film The Passion of Joan of Arc, the Wanda Gág book Millions of Cats, the Cole Porter song “Let’s Do It (Let’s Fall in Love),” and the Bessie Smith recording “Down Hearted Blues.” And, as they say, many, many more.

Here’s one list. And another. And one more.

New Year’s Eve 1923

[“100 Dry Agents Fail to Stop Drinking As New Year Dawns. Several Raids Net Only Four Arrests, but Broadway Gets Sixty-Two Summonses. Small Crowds in Streets. Hotels, Restaurants and Cabarets, However, Are Filled With Gay Parties.” The New York Times, January 1, 1924.]

Happy New Year to all.