Warren and Apple Intelligence

Adam Engst excoriates Apple for its new Apple Intelligence ads, and rightly so. One is about business writing:

In the first ad, Apple Intelligence enables a goof-off who wastes time and annoys his colleagues to surprise his boss with an unexpectedly well-written email. It’s not clear that the boss is impressed; he just can’t believe the guy would have written a professional message.

Is the message that Apple Intelligence is aimed at the perpetually lazy? Where’s the positive ad with a dyslexic child using Writing Tools to proofread a school essay or a businessperson using it to understand a complex report dumped on them minutes before a meeting?

What Adam doesn’t comment on is the writing itself. Here’s the before message:

Hey J,

Been thinking, this project might need a bit of zhuhzing. But you're the big enchilada.

Holler back,
Warren

I’ve omitted the flexed arms that frame Warren’s name — I cannot get that solid grey emoji on my Mac.

Warren has five Apple Intelligence options to choose from: Professional, Rewrite, Friendly, Proofread, and Concise (odd sequence there, Apple). He chooses Professional. Here’s the after message:

Hey J,

Upon further consideration, I believe this project may require some refinement. However, you are the most capable individual to undertake this task.

Please let me know your thoughts.

Best regards,
Warren

“Write smarter,” sez the ad. But is this revised e-mail an example of smart writing? I don’t think so. The language here is stilted and ponderous in the extreme: upon further consideration, may require, the introductory however, individual, undertake. And it’s all addressed to a boss, suggesting that the boss do the work. The smarter response to a boss might be to say “On it” — or to explain that you’re swamped and wonder whether someone else (who’s not the boss) might take on the task.

But wait, there’s more: Warren’s e-mail bears the (dumb) subject line “Project Stuff” (unchanged in the revision). There’s no “Re:” — it doesn’t appear that Warren is replying to an e-mail asking that he take on a new task, though he could be replying to a spoken request. But look again at the original e-mail: Warren was suggesting the need for further work on a project while acknowledging that the decision rests with the big enchilada. Warren was having second thoughts. Apple Intelligence appears not to have understood his words.

What might real human intelligence look like here? Maybe something like this:

Hi J,

I think that this project still needs improvement, and I’d be happy to talk about it with you. But I know that’s your decision to make. Let me know what you think,

Warren

The scary question: is the “Upon further consideration” e-mail an example of what Apple thinks good writing looks like, or is it an example of what someone at Apple thinks its customers think good writing looks like? I’m not sure which answer is scarier.

You can see the ad (and another one) at Adam Engst’s TidBITS post.

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