Beginning the day

Jimmy is nine going on ten. All week long he’s been looking forward to this family excursion to the park by the river, and now it’s here. He’s standing on the shore. His sister Julia, older, already in the water, is waving him in.

Steven Millhauser, “Getting Closer,” in We Others: New and Selected Stories (2008).

This story is one of the most moving pieces of short fiction I’ve read. You can read it right now at The New Yorker.

Related reading
All OCA Steven Millhauser posts (Pinboard)

With Clint Eastwood

Elaine and I were in a specialty foods store on the Upper West Side. “She used to live here,” I announced to no one in particular. A glass case holding rare books stood at the front of the store, with two hardcover copies of Steven Millhauser’s Voices in the Night on the bottom shelf, each copy looking four or five times as thick as our paperbacks.

I went to the register to buy three sloes and found the cashier beside himself. “Clint Eastwood is in the store,” he said. And Clint Eastwood was on oxygen. I turned around, and there was Clint Eastwood. He was tall, and he was on oxygen. I asked the cashier to throw in two packs of Pall Malls. He also added a sheet of Forever stamps, and a second partial sheet.

Clint Eastwood was now right behind me, waiting to pay. I thought of turning and saying something like “Much respect,” but I can’t claim to feel much respect for Clint Eastwood. I don’t even know the guy. And I remember that bit with the chair.

I paid in cash and left. The bill was sixty-one-something, so maybe the stamps hadn't been a gift.

Related reading
All OCA dream posts (Pinboard)

The Elements on the stage

Opening in Chicago tomorrow, from The Neo-Futurist Theater: Elements of Style, a stage show based on The Elements of Style. The makers have taken to heart the admonition to omit needless words, having omitted the from their title, and all spoken words from their production.

Theirs is not the first adaptation of William Strunk Jr. and E.B. White’s work for performance: in 2005, Nico Muhly created a song cycle, The Elements of Style. Here’s a brief excerpt.

Related reading
All OCA Strunk and White posts (Pinboard)

The New Past

Steven Millhauser, “Here at the Historical Society,” in Dangerous Laughter (2008).

Related reading
All OCA Steven Millhauser posts (Pinboard)

A visit to the Musgrave Pencil Co.

“Quality and unstuffy craftsmanship”: Smithsonian visits the Musgrave Pencil Company.

Three more Musgrave posts
Harvest Refill Leads : Musgrave ephemera : Musgrave Single Barrel 106

A child’s garden of etymology

“It’s a couch because it’s from a cow and sometimes it gets hurt so it says, ‘Ouch.’”

[Used with permission. And no cows were harmed in the making of that couch.]

Word of the day: boulevard

We were away for a few days and came back to the aftermath of a wild storm. Branches, limbs, and trees down everywhere. We were lucky — a neighbor’s tree fell (in its own backyard) and took just the top of one of our spruces. Things might have been far worse.

The authorities sent out a message about a town-wide pickup of branches and limbs. Branches and limbs are to be left, we have been told, on “the boulevard.”

Which of course led to a flurry of queries about what that means. The main avenue through town, or what? The authorities clarified: on the grass between the street and the sidewalk. A foggy clarification, as many streets in this town have no sidewalks, and some streets are just roads.

It turns out that boulevard is one of at least fifty terms for the strip of grass between the street and the sidewalk. I applaud the effort to haul away branches and limbs at no cost to residents, but boulevard was bound to baffle many. Better: roadside, or streetside. Or “Leave your branches at the side of the road or street.”

The most unsettling term in Wikipedia’s list: central Indiana’s sidewalk taint. The unbearably cutest: besidewalk. The most amusing, for me: furniture zone, referring to what’s called street furniture — poles, hydrants, &c. But there might be household furniture there as well: a furniture zone is where I found, thirty-odd years ago, a nice easy chair, now long gone. It spent years in my office as a chair for students.

The mystery of boulevard reminds me of a weather forecast that referred to the amount of snow expected by supper time. Regionalisms abounding.

Bill Griffith on Ernie Bushmiller

From The New Yorker: an interview with Bill Griffith, and an excerpt from his forthcoming biography of Ernie Bushmiller.

Venn reading
All OCA Nancy posts : Nancy and Zippy posts : Zippy posts (Pinboard)

Be wise

[“Be wise, don’t play with firecrackers.” Department of Health, New York City, 1936 or 1937. From the Library of Congress. I found a sharper version at Wikimedia Commons. Found via Ephemeral New York.]

On the Fourth of July and every other day, it behooves us all to be wise. It’s a good day to watch Don’t Be a Sucker.

A joke in the traditional manner

What kind of pasta do swimmers like?

This one is kid-tested, kid-approved. The punchline is in the comments.

More jokes in the traditional manner
The Autobahn : Did you hear about the cow coloratura? : Did you hear about the new insect hybrid? : Did you hear about the shape-shifting car? : Did you hear about the thieving produce clerk? : Elementary school : A Golden Retriever : How did Bela Lugosi know what to expect? : How did Samuel Clemens do all his long-distance traveling? : How do amoebas communicate? : How do ghosts hide their wrinkles? : How do worms get to the supermarket? : Of all the songs in the Great American Songbook, which is the favorite of pirates? : What did the doctor tell his forgetful patient to do? : What did the plumber do when embarrassed? : What do cows like to watch on TV? : What do dogs always insist on when they buy a car? : What happens when a senior citizen visits a podiatrist? : What is the favorite toy of philosophers’ children? : What’s the name of the Illinois town where dentists want to live? : What’s the worst thing about owning nine houses? : What was the shepherd doing in the garden? : Where do amoebas golf? : Where does Paul Drake keep his hot tips? : Which member of the orchestra was best at handling money? : Who’s the lead administrator in a school of fish? : Why are supervillains good at staying warm in the winter? : Why did the doctor spend his time helping injured squirrels? : Why did Oliver Hardy attempt a solo career in movies? : Why did the ophthalmologist and his wife split up? : Why does Marie Kondo never win at poker? : Why is the Fonz so cool? : Why sharpen your pencil to write a Dad joke? : Why was Santa Claus wandering the East Side of Manhattan?

[“In the traditional manner”: by or à la my dad. He gets credit for the Autobahn, the elementary school, the Golden Retriever, Bela Lugosi, Samuel Clemens, the doctor, the plumber, the senior citizen, Oliver Hardy, and the ophthalmologist. Elaine gets credit for the Illinois town. Ben gets credit for the supervillains in winter. My dad was making such jokes long before anyone called them dad jokes.]