“All spacefaring nations should follow established best practices and do their part to share this type of information in advance to allow reliable predictions of potential debris impact risk,” NASA Administrator Bill Nelson said.I know precision is necessary. But I’d still be tempted to replace “potential debris impact risk” with “danger.”
[Eight syllables to two, four words to one.]
Best Practices is management-speak. There are no “best practices” only alternatives. How about “rules”? Two words become one. Three syllables to one. Corporate weasel-phrase to a concrete guide well understood.
ReplyDeleteGood point, and it shows how finding one way to alter text can lead to another. (And as you said in an e-mail, four syllables become one.)
ReplyDeleteIt could be that the speaker didn’t want to accuse a nation of breaking rules, but yes, it’s biz-speak (and now part of academic jargon too). And when you take out “established,” it’s even bigger savings.
But I did like “spacefaring.”
ReplyDeleteI was telling Marz how much I enjoy your "How to Improve Writing" posts (like this one, even though it isn't so named).
ReplyDeleteMarz told me a good one:
a sign above the driver of the free bus to a local casino reads
"If Service Is Satisfactory, Gratuities Are Allowable"
LOL
If service is unsatisfactory, I guess gratuities are forbidden.
Marz sometimes goes to the casino to sit and write in their a/c. She said she's never seen anyone tip the bus driver.
And “allowable”? How about “Tips gratefully accepted ”?
ReplyDeleteWhen taking a hotel shuttle to an airport (taking advantage of the low-cost parking at the hotel), I always tip the driver. But I rarely see anyone else do it.
Right, "allowable"? Could it be any more awkward?
ReplyDeleteMaybe with some added quotation marks?
ReplyDelete