A sentence from a New York Times article:
It is unclear what the inspector general has done since then, in particular, whether the inspector general has referred the matter to the Justice Department.The phrase in particular (which at first seems to follow from since then) and the repeated inspector general make for an ungainly sentence. My revision:
It is unclear whether whether the inspector general has referred the matter to the Justice Department or taken any other action.Even better:
The inspector general has referred to matter to the Justice Department, which has opened an investigation.Related reading
All OCA How to improve writing posts (Pinboard)
[This post is no. 100 in a series dedicated to improving stray bits of public prose.]
comments: 4
I really hope these novelists pretending to be journalists, get charged for ... well whatever this crime is. Aiding and abetting? Concealment of a crime?
I’ve seen 18 U.S.C. § 4 cited by legal tweeters today. But it would be difficult to make a charge stick. And you’d have to charge the defeated former president with a crime, something the Attorney General appears unwilling to do.
I saw Maggie Haberman interviewed today — not one question about when she knew and why she waited.
Michael, it seems to me that your 2nd edit completely changes the meaning. In the original quote the author is saying that it's unclear if the IG has referred the matter to the Justice Department. Your 2nd edit states that the IG has referred the matter to the Justice Department. I'm not sure if you're saying the 2nd edit is even better because it's a better sentence, or — as I suspect — because it's a better outcome. If it's the former, I'd say your 1st edit is the better. If it's the latter, I agree. Here's my suggested edit:
It is unclear what action the inspector general has taken. Most importantly, has he referred the matter to the Justice Department?
Yours is a good one, Joe.
Yes, my second version was meant to rewrite the news. Along the lines of the Burt Bacharach–Hal David song — “Wishin’ and Hopin’.”
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