As I wrote in no. 75, “Every time I look at Josh Marshall’s Talking Points Memo, I end up rewriting one or more sentences.” Even the polls need rewriting. To wit:
Hypothetically speaking, would you be in support of or not in support of an exception to the Senate’s filibuster rule with regard to legislation involving voting rights?
☐ Would support
☐ Would not support
☐ I’m not sure
☐ Other / No opinion
Do you support an exception to the Senate’s filibuster rule in order to pass voting-rights legislation?From thirty-eight words to twenty-two. Which question would you prefer to read and answer?
☐ Yes
☐ No
☐ Undecided
☐ No opinion
Related posts
All OCA “How to improve writing” posts (Pinboard)
[This post is no. 98 in a series dedicated to improving stray bits of public prose.]
comments: 4
Oh, definitely the second one! The first one is so convoluted in how it is written.
Why would one ask an "or" question if all one is asking is rather or not you would support or not support the thing being asked?
Perhaps they were being paid by the word!!!
Kirsten
ps I know I'm getting older when I look at a website and I don't see a single staff person that is under the age of 50! This tells me a lot about their education - basically went through the educational system that was aimed at passing the state tests not learning.
And why “hypothetically speaking”? Notice also "be" (instead of “support”) as the verb and the profusion of prepositional phrases. It’s perfect material for Richard Lanham’s paramedic method.
I read right past the "hypothetically speaking" part to concentrate on the rest of the over-wordiness... but yes, what the heck is that doing there?
Yes, what?! : )
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