The New Past

Steven Millhauser, “Here at the Historical Society,” in Dangerous Laughter (2008).

Related reading
All OCA Steven Millhauser posts (Pinboard)

A visit to the Musgrave Pencil Co.

“Quality and unstuffy craftsmanship”: Smithsonian visits the Musgrave Pencil Company.

Three more Musgrave posts
Harvest Refill Leads : Musgrave ephemera : Musgrave Single Barrel 106

A child’s garden of etymology

“It’s a couch because it’s from a cow and sometimes it gets hurt so it says, ‘Ouch.’”

[Used with permission. And no cows were harmed in the making of that couch.]

Word of the day: boulevard

We were away for a few days and came back to the aftermath of a wild storm. Branches, limbs, and trees down everywhere. We were lucky — a neighbor’s tree fell (in its own backyard) and took just the top of one of our spruces. Things might have been far worse.

The authorities sent out a message about a town-wide pickup of branches and limbs. Branches and limbs are to be left, we have been told, on “the boulevard.”

Which of course led to a flurry of queries about what that means. The main avenue through town, or what? The authorities clarified: on the grass between the street and the sidewalk. A foggy clarification, as many streets in this town have no sidewalks, and some streets are just roads.

It turns out that boulevard is one of at least fifty terms for the strip of grass between the street and the sidewalk. I applaud the effort to haul away branches and limbs at no cost to residents, but boulevard was bound to baffle many. Better: roadside, or streetside. Or “Leave your branches at the side of the road or street.”

The most unsettling term in Wikipedia’s list: central Indiana’s sidewalk taint. The unbearably cutest: besidewalk. The most amusing, for me: furniture zone, referring to what’s called street furniture — poles, hydrants, &c. But there might be household furniture there as well: a furniture zone is where I found, thirty-odd years ago, a nice easy chair, now long gone. It spent years in my office as a chair for students.

The mystery of boulevard reminds me of a weather forecast that referred to the amount of snow expected by supper time. Regionalisms abounding.

Bill Griffith on Ernie Bushmiller

From The New Yorker: an interview with Bill Griffith, and an excerpt from his forthcoming biography of Ernie Bushmiller.

Venn reading
All OCA Nancy posts : Nancy and Zippy posts : Zippy posts (Pinboard)

Be wise

[“Be wise, don’t play with firecrackers.” Department of Health, New York City, 1936 or 1937. From the Library of Congress. I found a sharper version at Wikimedia Commons. Found via Ephemeral New York.]

On the Fourth of July and every other day, it behooves us all to be wise. It’s a good day to watch Don’t Be a Sucker.

A joke in the traditional manner

What kind of pasta do swimmers like?

This one is kid-tested, kid-approved. The punchline is in the comments.

More jokes in the traditional manner
The Autobahn : Did you hear about the cow coloratura? : Did you hear about the new insect hybrid? : Did you hear about the shape-shifting car? : Did you hear about the thieving produce clerk? : Elementary school : A Golden Retriever : How did Bela Lugosi know what to expect? : How did Samuel Clemens do all his long-distance traveling? : How do amoebas communicate? : How do ghosts hide their wrinkles? : How do worms get to the supermarket? : Of all the songs in the Great American Songbook, which is the favorite of pirates? : What did the doctor tell his forgetful patient to do? : What did the plumber do when embarrassed? : What do cows like to watch on TV? : What do dogs always insist on when they buy a car? : What happens when a senior citizen visits a podiatrist? : What is the favorite toy of philosophers’ children? : What’s the name of the Illinois town where dentists want to live? : What’s the worst thing about owning nine houses? : What was the shepherd doing in the garden? : Where do amoebas golf? : Where does Paul Drake keep his hot tips? : Which member of the orchestra was best at handling money? : Who’s the lead administrator in a school of fish? : Why are supervillains good at staying warm in the winter? : Why did the doctor spend his time helping injured squirrels? : Why did Oliver Hardy attempt a solo career in movies? : Why did the ophthalmologist and his wife split up? : Why does Marie Kondo never win at poker? : Why is the Fonz so cool? : Why sharpen your pencil to write a Dad joke? : Why was Santa Claus wandering the East Side of Manhattan?

[“In the traditional manner”: by or à la my dad. He gets credit for the Autobahn, the elementary school, the Golden Retriever, Bela Lugosi, Samuel Clemens, the doctor, the plumber, the senior citizen, Oliver Hardy, and the ophthalmologist. Elaine gets credit for the Illinois town. Ben gets credit for the supervillains in winter. My dad was making such jokes long before anyone called them dad jokes.]

Smells

When I spilled too much onion powder into the pan when making hamburgers, our house turned into the hallways of the apartment building where my paternal grandparents lived.

*

When I opened my dad’s toolbox in search of a smaller pliers wrench, I smelled the Dial Gold soap that my dad and mom used for — what? forty years? And I found the wrench I needed.

Delicatessen, or food store?

[6215 and 6219 Fort Hamilton Parkway, Boro Park, Brooklyn, c. 1939–1941. From the NYC Municipal Archives Collections. Click either image for a much larger view.]

Fort-Hamilton-Parkway-and-New-Utrecht-Avenue: that was something of a mantra of my childhood. I spent most of my early sentient life living less than a block from the intersection of Fort Hamilton and New Utrecht. But I lived far enough from 62nd Street never to have noticed these two stores, separated only by the doorway that led to one or more upstairs apartments — if these stores were even in business in the early 1960s. If they were, how would I have chosen between them? As a kid, I would have gone to whichever store I had been sent to.

The WPA tax photos show another pair of grocery stores competing side by side on 11th Avenue, an independent grocer and a Roulston’s outlet. But here both stores appear to be independent. Browsing through Brooklyn Newsstand, I’m surprised to see that penny profit had some currency as an advertising gimmick, In 1922, a department store offered a “Penny Profit Sale.” In 1940, a furniture store touted “Pennies profit to us — $$$$$ saving to you.” And in 1947: “Mays penny-profit prices make every day a sale day.” Did anyone believe it? In any event, the name must have packed more oomph that “S. Trencher’s,” though trencher is a fun name for someone selling food.

Penny-profit was hardly limited to Brooklyn. A glance around the Internets shows a butcher shop, a dry cleaners, a discount store, and several grocery stores that touted a one-cent-thin profit margin.

Today no. 6215 may still house A to Z Video, whose metal security door is down in every Google Maps photograph between 2012 and 2022. No. 6219 appears to be improbably residential. Both properties are valued at $1 million+. Many pennies.

Related reading
More photographs from the NYC Municipal Archives (Pinboard)

HCR on SCOTUS

On more bad news.