Karlan +3

I would like every witness for today’s impeachment hearing to be Pamela S. Karlan.

“He was a chiropodist”

I’ll set the stage, or the cab. It’s June 4, 1942. Seymour Glass has failed to show for his wedding to Muriel Fedder. In the aftermath, Seymour’s brother Buddy (the only Glass in attendance) finds himself in a cab with the Matron of Honor and her husband, Helen Silsburn (a Fedder family friend), and Muriel’s father’s uncle. The Matron of Honor is furious: “I’d like to get my hands on him for about two minutes. Just two minutes, that’s all.” Buddy has not let these people know that Seymour is his brother. “We were boys together,” he has explained. What, the Matron of Honor wants to know, did Seymour do before the war?


J.D. Salinger, Raise High the Roof Beam, Carpenters (1963).

Related reading
All OCA Salinger posts (Pinboard)

“Artistically appointed restrooms”

George Baxter’s client has built ten new department stores in his home state in the last ten years. From the Hazel episode “What’s Bugging Hazel?” (February 25, 1965):

“I’ve spent a fortune, George, a fortune, giving my customers every conceivable convenience. Spacious parking lots, gracious restaurants and coffeeshops, baby-minding services, and artistically appointed restrooms!”

“Artistically appointed restrooms!” But it’s not a laughline. Or at least the laugh track doesn’t respond.

[Stuck in the house, getting over a sinus infection, I sometimes get stuck in a TV vortex. This episode is also online.]

Reading in the news

From The New York Times

The performance of American teenagers in reading and math has been stagnant since 2000, according to the latest results of a rigorous international exam, despite a decades-long effort to raise standards and help students compete with peers across the globe. . . .

The disappointing results from the exam, the Program for International Student Assessment, were announced on Tuesday and follow those from the National Assessment of Educational Progress, an American test that recently showed that two-thirds of children were not proficient readers.

Nancy, blogger

[Nancy, December 4, 2019.]

“It’s obvious”: oh, Nancy.

By the way: if you scroll to the bottom of the page and look at the sidebar, you’ll see Nancy speaking the “word” blog in 1950.

Related reading
All OCA Nancy posts (Pinboard)

Recently updated

Words of the year Now with cancel culture .

Recently updated

Words of the year Now with existential .

The Apostrophe Protection Society

“The ignorance and laziness present in modern times have won!” The Apostrophe Protection Society throw’s in the towel.

Related reading
All OCA punctuation posts (Pinboard)

[I know: its really spelling, not punctuation. But as the man says, the ignorance and laziness present in modern times have won! The APS website, from which I quoted above, is now dormant. Here is the Internet Archive’s most recent version of the APS front page. And here is an article from The Guardian on the demise of the APS.]

A joke in the traditional manner

How do ghosts hide their wrinkles?

No spoilers: the punchline is in the comments.

More jokes in the traditional manner
The Autobahn : Did you hear about the cow coloratura? : Did you hear about the shape-shifting car? : Did you hear about the thieving produce clerk? : Elementary school : A Golden Retriever : How did Bela Lugosi know what to expect? : How did Samuel Clemens do all his long-distance traveling? : How do amoebas communicate? : How do worms get to the supermarket? : Of all the songs in the Great American Songbook, which is the favorite of pirates? : What did the doctor tell his forgetful patient to do? : What did the plumber do when embarrassed? : What happens when a senior citizen visits a podiatrist? : What is the favorite toy of philosophers’ children? : What’s the name of the Illinois town where dentists want to live? : What was the shepherd doing in the garden? : Where do amoebas golf? : Where does Paul Drake keep his hot tips? : Which member of the orchestra was best at handling money? : Why did the doctor spend his time helping injured squirrels? : Why did Oliver Hardy attempt a solo career in movies? : Why did the ophthalmologist and his wife split up? : Why does Marie Kondo never win at poker? : Why is the Fonz so cool? : Why was Santa Claus wandering the East Side of Manhattan?

[“In the traditional manner”: by or à la my dad. He gets credit for the Autobahn, the elementary school, the Golden Retriever, Bela Lugosi, Samuel Clemens, the doctor, the plumber, the senior citizen, Oliver Hardy, and the ophthalmologist. Elaine gets credit for the Illinois town. My fambly helped me with the phrasing for this one. My dad was making such jokes long before anyone called them “dad jokes.” I continue in the traditional manner.]

The TLL continues

“Most dictionaries focus on the most prominent or recent meaning of a word; this one aims to show every single way anyone ever used it, from the earliest Latin inscriptions in the sixth century B.C. to around A.D. 600”: the work of the Thesaurus Linguae Latinae is ongoing. The New York Times has a report, with photographs. Those slips!

The TLL website has a short film about the project.

Related posts
A 2016 NPR story : The TLL and NEH funding