How to improve writing (no. 104)

From a Washington Post article, describing the efforts of a defeated former president’s supporters:

One man stood on the bridge, which crosses the Intracoastal Waterway, holding the American flag upside down — widely recognized as a symbol of his belief that the country is in distress.

I tried this sentence on a volunteer, who immediately noticed a problem: an inverted flag is not widely recognized as a symbol of that man’s belief. Better:

One man stood on the bridge, which crosses the Intracoastal Waterway, holding the American flag upside down — widely recognized as symbol of the belief that the country is in distress.

A larger problem: an inverted flag is not a symbol of anyone’s belief. Like a motorist’s flare or a traffic light or an S-O-S, it’s a signal. And the signal need not apply to nationwide distress. From 4 U.S. Code §8: “The flag should never be displayed with the union down, except as a signal of dire distress in instances of extreme danger to life or property.”

So better still:

One man stood on the bridge, which crosses the Intracoastal Waterway, holding an inverted American flag, widely recognized as a signal of distress or danger.

*

August 11: I still have this sentence kicking around in my head. And I wondered this morning, why “the bridge, which”? There’s no previous sentence that identifies the bridge. So how about

One man stood on the bridge that crosses the Intracoastal Waterway, holding an inverted American flag, widely recognized as a signal of distress or danger.

Or clearer:

Standing on the bridge that crosses the Intracoastal Waterway, a man held an inverted American flag, widely recognized as a signal of distress or danger.

I flew a (virtual) inverted flag for different reasons in a 2019 blog post. I’m pretty sure that I learned about the inverted flag from the Canned Heat album Future Blues.

Related reading
All OCA How to improve writing posts (Pinboard)

[I wouldn’t argue that “inverted” is better than “upside down,” but to my ear, it’s more graceful. This post is no. 104 in a series dedicated to improving stray bits of public prose.]