How to improve writing (no. 108)

As I’ve written in a previous post, “Every time I look at Josh Marshall’s Talking Points Memo, I end up rewriting one or more sentences.” From an item posted today:

I understand that people are outraged by the Tucker Carlson/Kevin McCarthy video stunt. It’s natural and understandable to react negatively and angrily to liars and traitors. But this is not at all the best or most effective response. The first response is simply mockery. That’s the most logical response and also the most effective.

“Natural and understandable,“ “negatively and angrily,” “the best or most effective,” “most logical and . . . most effective”: it’s like reading the work of a student writer aiming to hit word count.

Improved:

It’s reasonable to be angry about the dishonest, traitorous Tucker Carlson/Kevin McCarthy video stunt. But anger is not an effective response. A better response: mockery.

From fifty-five words to twenty-six. Is anything missing?

Related reading
All OCA How to improve writing posts (Pinboard)

[This post is no. 108 in a series dedicated to improving stray bits of public prose.]