How to do horribly on a final exam

Ten simple steps:

"Her finals are supposed to be really easy. There's no point in studying a lot."

"Besides, I'm pretty much assured a B no matter what."

"Plus, it's been proved that overstudying leads to lower grades."

"I can study later, after Family Guy."

"I don't need to review that much anyway. After all, I have a photographic memory."

"Besides, there's so much material — if I don't know it by now, studying won't help."

"Grey's Anatomy!"

"Facebook!"

"I can just do an all-nighter. I'll be fine in the morning."

"Yeah, I should set my alarm just in case. I'll do it later."

One professor's thoughts, for any student who's reading:

It always makes sense to take a final examination seriously. If the exam turns out to be easy, wonderful. And if it's difficult, you're prepared. A strong exam performance can have significant redeeming value: if you're on the cusp between grades, it might be enough to decide things in your favor. And turning in a mediocre exam with the expectation that it won't affect your semester grade can backfire, even if your grade remains undamaged. It's the student assured of an A or B who still turns in a strong final exam whom a professor will remember with respect and affection when it's time to write a letter of recommendation.

I wrote a post some time ago for students looking to do the opposite of horribly:

How to do well on a final examination

[As several readers have suggested, these ten simple steps are a pretty tame version of how to do horribly on a final exam. A tame version is the only version I choose to imagine.]

Brian Wilson at the Kennedy Center

From the Kennedy Center website:

Since their inception in 1978, the Kennedy Center Honors have redefined America's perception of its artistic legacy and reinvented the way this nation rewards its artists. The Honors have been compared to a knighthood in Britain, or the French Legion of Honor — the quintessential reward for a lifetime's endeavor.

Brian Wilson gets one tonight.

The website notes that the names of guest performers remain secret until the "show" (event?) is in progress. Who'll perform in Brian's honor? Barenaked Ladies (who wrote "Brian Wilson")? Sufjan Stevens (whose music suggests a deep Wilson influence)? In my most speculative heart of hearts, I can imagine Paul McCartney singing "God Only Knows." What I suspect we'll get though is an everything-but-the-kitchen sink — no, wait, put-the-sink-in-too — performance of "Good Vibrations" along the lines of the one in 2001's All-Star Tribute to Brian Wilson, with Heart, Jubilant Sykes, and the Boys Choir of Harlem.

The Kennedy Center Honors will be broadcast on December 26 on CBS.

[Update, 12.03.07: Lyle Lovett sang "God Only Knows"; Hootie and the Blowfish did "I Get Around": Kennedy Center honors for 5 (San Jose Mercury News).]

[Update, 12.26.07: The show aired tonight on CBS. Three, not two, performances followed Art Garfunkel's brief tribute and biographical narrative. Lyle Lovett: ghastly. Hootie and the Blowfish: much better than I had expected. "I Get Around" segued into "California Girls." What the article I linked to left unreported was a performance by the boys' choir Libera of "Love and Mercy," beautifully sung and tear-inducing. Love and mercy to you, Brian Wilson.]

[Reflected in Brian's mirror: Mike Love, Al Jardine, Carl Wilson, Bruce Johnston, Dennis Wilson]

The Kennedy Center Honors

Related post
Music from the Kennedy Center (Links to YouTube clips)

Cutting the past tense

Faced with ongoing budget crises, underfunded schools nationwide are increasingly left with no option but to cut the past tense — a grammatical construction traditionally used to relate all actions, and states that have transpired at an earlier point in time—from their standard English and language arts programs. . . .

"This was by no means an easy decision, but teaching our students how to conjugate verbs in a way that would allow them to describe events that have already occurred is a luxury that we can no longer afford," Phoenix-area high-school principal Sam Pennock said. "With our current budget, the past tense must unfortunately become a thing of the past."

Underfunded Schools Forced to Cut Past Tense (The Onion)

Related post
William Faulkner on peace

The ten best books of 2007?

Somene at the New York Times made a list. I've read none of the books. Elaine read one and was unimpressed, unimpressed. My 2007 ten best list:

1–10. In Search of Lost Time

(I bet you didn't see that coming.)

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Roger Shattuck on reading Proust

Roger Shattuck (1923-2005) on how to read Proust:

I believe it is best to approach the reading of Proust as if it were a kind of long-term cure, or an initiation to unfamiliar mental and physical movements evolved by another culture. A steady, leisurely pace, without the tension of fixed deadlines, serves best. Certain habits of thought can thus be laid aside as others are slowly acquired. It may take months, even years. The Search creates a season of the mind outside temporal limits.

Proust's Way: A Field Guide to In Search of Lost Time (NY: W.W. Norton, 2000), 24

For me, reading Proust the second time through, the season began on May 17, 2007, and should end before the end of the year. (Then what?)

All Proust posts (Pinboard)

Buckley's Cough Mixture

I read about Buckley's Cough Mixture at Boing Boing earlier this month and worked up the courage to look for and try some last night. It's ghastly and effective, and as I just realized, I'm paraphrasing the company slogan: "It tastes awful. And it works." Among the ingredients: menthol, camphor, Canadian balsam, and pine needle oil.

What is it like to swallow a teaspoon of Buckley's Cough Mixture? Imagine swallowing a toothbrush coated with Vicks VapoRub, sprinkled with retsina, and rolled in sawdust. The second time is worse than the first, as one knows what's coming.

I now have an idea of what it must have been like for my dad when his mother made him swallow a spoonful of Vicks for a cold. Dad, I have felt your pain!

Buckley's is a Canadian product (and, I gather, a Canadian tradition). I found some in an Illinois Walgreens. That's Frank Buckley, son of pharmacist and founder W.K. Buckley, in the photograph.

Buckley's (The company website)

Every letter counts

This item from the BBC gives new meaning to the Harold Dorman song "Mountain of Love." And perhaps it will inspire the writers of spam subject lines to rise above the fruited plain to new heights of creativity:

Croatia rose to the occasion in their crucial Euro 2008 defeat of England — after an apparent X-rated gaffe by an English opera singer at Wembley.

Tony Henry belted out a version of the Croat anthem before the 80,000 crowd, but made a blunder at the end. He should have sung 'Mila kuda si planina' (which roughly means 'You know my dear how we love your mountains'). But he instead sang 'Mila kura si planina' which can be interpreted as 'My dear, my penis is a mountain'.

Now Henry could be one of the few Englishmen at the Euro 2008 finals in Austria and Switzerland as Croatian fans adopt him as a lucky omen. They believe his mistake relaxed their chuckling players, who scored an early goal in the 3-2 win that put Croatia top of the group and knocked out England.

Anthem gaffe 'lifted Croatia' (BBC Sport)

(Thanks, Elaine!)

This is not my beautiful house

That man lives elsewhere, believe me. But that is my beautiful oven, or was.

I found this image at lileks.com while searching (unsuccessfully) for a picture of a professor from the dowdy world. The oven in question was made by General Electric. One such oven came with our house (I'm guessing that it was original equipment, circa 1959). That oven disappeared last week when we replaced it with a new one (also by GE) that heats evenly and doesn't have a non-working clock/timer emitting a constant slight buzz, reminding those of us sitting at the kitchen table that we really need to do something about that oven.

[Readers of a certain age are expected to recognize an allusion to Talking Heads' "Once in a Lifetime."]

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Anecdotal Iowa

I spent three hours tonight calling Iowa on behalf of the Barack Obama campaign, leaving many, many messages and talking to a few voters, who voiced support for only three candidates: Obama, John Edwards, and Mitt Romney, with Obama getting the most support. Edwards was mentioned only by those who are also considering Obama. I don't think anyone in our ten- or twelve-person volunteer group talked to a Hillary Clinton supporter. Merely anecdotal evidence, but interesting nonetheless.

Better Packages, Inc.

The November 26 New Yorker has a wonderful two-page collaboration by Aline and Robert Crumb, "Our Beloved Tape Dispenser." The tape dispenser in question, a Better Pack 333 Plus, is made by Better Packages, Inc., a small company in Shelton, Connecticut.

The Crumbs' comic is available only in print, but Better Packages, Inc. has a website. The company was founded in 1917, which makes it roughly the same age as Ernest Borgnine.

All "dowdy world" posts (Pinboard)