Monday, March 11, 2024

How to improve writing (no. 119)

From an article in The Washington Post this morning:

Former president Donald Trump mocked President Biden’s stutter at a campaign rally in Rome, Ga., on Saturday, the latest in a series of insults he has hurled at his rival but one that disability advocates regard as a demeaning form of bullying.
Only disability advocates see it that way? Better:
Former president Donald Trump mocked President Biden’s stutter at a campaign rally in Rome, Ga., on Saturday, the latest in a series of insults that decent human beings regard as bullying.
The oddest thing about the original sentence’s effort to be “objective” is that only one of the many people quoted in the article is known as an advocate for people with disabilities.

*

March 12: Simpler:
Former president Donald Trump mocked President Biden’s stutter at a campaign rally in Rome, Ga., on Saturday, in yet another effort to demean his rival.
Related reading
All OCA How to improve writing posts (Pinboard)

[This post is no. 119 in a series dedicated to improving stray bits of public prose.]

comments: 4

Fresca said...

Great change!
Also though, is there a non-demeaning form of bullying?

Michael Leddy said...

Good catch. I'll remove the word.

This sentence made me so angry that I couldn’t think straight.

Michael Leddy said...

I revised a bit more, since, really, all his insults are a form of bullying.

Fresca said...

Sadly true.