Hallmark rising

The New Yorker looks at the Hallmark Channel(s): “How Hallmark Took Over Cable Television.”

Last Friday we tried about half an hour of Christmas in Evergreen: Tidings of Joy, the movie whose making runs through the article. Half an hour was enough. But I came away with a favorite line: “I was just leading a workshop on ornament making.” Sounds to me like the start of a John Ashbery poem.

You’re out

Yesterday our local paper published USDA guidelines for when to toss Thanksgiving leftovers. The USDA’s advice: leftovers can be stored in the fridge for three to four days, or in the freezer for two to six months.

We gave up on our local paper eleven years ago. I look at the paper online once in a while, but there is little news, which is one reason why we ended our subscription. When I look, I am sometimes baffled.

Robots writing

The Washington Post reports on Handwrytten, a robot-driven card-writing service. The article cites a user who finds the service “cheaper — and easier — than going to the store, picking out a card and paying for postage.” And, the user adds, you can schedule in advance.

I noticed Handwrytten in 2014 and am surprised, kinda, that the company is still going. It must serve a need. But you could also schedule in advance by writing in your datebook: “Buy and mail card.” Or you could schedule and send an e-mail — much cheaper and easier still than setting up an account to pay for robots. But cheaper and easier are not always the point. TV dinner, anyone?

*

I forgot: in The New York Times last week, a counter-narrative, in defense of handwritten notes and cards.

Land O’Lines

In The New York Times, Roger Cohen writes about missing the landline:

I remember my son asking me how I managed to meet anyone in the pre-cellphone era. I could hardly remember. I said you arranged to meet a friend at a certain place at a certain time and you showed up. He was skeptical.

In 2010, also in the Times, Virginia Heffernan wrote a wonderful elegy for the landline.

[Neither writer mentions what any dedicated user of the phone of yore will remember: waiting until “the rates” went down to make a long-distance call. And even then, the astonishing cost of the occasional forty-five-minute long-distance call.]

Today’s Saturday Stumper

I found today’s Newsday Saturday Stumper, by Greg Johnson, exceedingly difficult. It was a forty-six-minute puzzle for me, with an especially difficult northwest corner. I started with 8-A, seven letters, “Preparing to steal, perhaps” and 8-D, eight letters, “Out of sight.” Some gimmes helped:

33-D, eight letters, “Battle of the Bulge forest.” In the news, but also in my head from reading about J.D. Salinger.

39-A, five letters, “Whom Aristotle mentions in ‘On the Parts of Animals.’” Ancients? animals? Easy to guess.

56-A, seven letters, “‘Daughter of the wind’ plant.” Well, I think it’s a gimme. YGMV: Your Gimmes May Vary.

Some clue-and-answer pairs I especially liked:

14-D, seven letters, “New Yorker’s hero.” Clever, and for me at least, pretty arcane lingo.

17-A, seven letters, “Press passes?” Groan.

18-A, seven letters, “     weather.” Nicely dowdy.

24-D, eleven letters, “Kid’s art supply.” I just liked seeing this supply in a puzzle.

42-A, eleven letters, “Fog machine user of yore.” I will take the constructor’s word for it.

48-D, five letters, “Inedible spreadable.” Once again a Newsday puzzle chooses concision over farfetched cuteness in a tricky clue for a common word. Bravo.

No spoilers: the answers are in the comments.

How to improve writing (no. 85)

An odd sentence from The New Yorker :

No one running for the Democratic Presidential nomination seems to irk his or her opponents quite like Pete Buttigieg, the thirty-seven-year-old mayor of South Bend, Indiana.

I understand why the writer chose “his or her”: because both men and women are running for the nomination. But Pete Buttigieg doesn’t irk “his or her” opponents. “His or her” is an unnecessary complication. It makes me think Wait, what?  Follow the logic of the syntax:

No one irks his or her opponents like Pete Buttigieg [irks his or her opponents.]

See? Better:

No one running for the Democratic Presidential nomination seems to irk opponents quite like Pete Buttigieg, the thirty-seven-year-old mayor of South Bend, Indiana.

Maybe better still:

No one running for the Democratic Presidential nomination seems to irk opponents the way Pete Buttigieg, the thirty-seven-year-old mayor of South Bend, Indiana, does.

I’m not crazy about the gap between Buttigieg’s name and “does.” It might be better still to save the identifying phrase for a later sentence:

No one running for the Democratic Presidential nomination seems to irk opponents the way Pete Buttigieg does.

All OCA “How to improve writing” posts (Pinboard)

[This post is no. 85 in a series, dedicated to improving stray bits of public prose.]

A digital timer

Many digital timers are shoddily made: flimsy buttons, crummy display, a barely audible beep. Here is a digital timer that works well: the Ozeri Kitchen and Event Timer. Solid construction, clear display, and a loud, really loud, beep. Comes in five colors. 3 3/16″ × 13/16″ × 3″. I like the idea of a gadget that can time both kitchens and events.

As they say, Makes a Great Gift.

An analog timer

If it’s sheer (or mere?) to-the-second accuracy you’re after, only a digital timer will do. But here is an analog timer that works well: the Dulton Kitchen Timer. Solid metal construction and a happy jingling alarm. Comes in nine colors (seven from that link, two more from this one), and dowdy as all get out. 2 7/8″ × 1 1/2″. The timer is reasonably accurate, to within a minute in my experience. The Dulton website identifies this item as a timer and clock, but trust me, it’s not a clock. Nor is it a thermostat.

As they say, Makes a Great Gift. Thank you, Rachel.

Fred Astaire’s shadow

We stood in a massive building owned by an old woman who had been a dentist. A delivery man brought packages. Somehow we knew that they held materials for a spiritualist practice.

We wandered the building and found a long wall against which we could make shadows. Mine looked like Fred Astaire’s. Another wall showed an illustrated timeline of spiritual leaders. What, we wondered, will happen when people find out?

Outside we found a big hole in the ground through which we could see a cave filled with old cars in storage: VW Bugs.

Related reading
All OCA dream posts (Pinboard)

“Queens man impeached”

That’s the headline from the Queens Daily Eagle, which is having fun keeping the news local:

Former Jamaica Estates resident Donald Trump was impeached Wednesday by the U.S. House of Representatives. He is the third president to be impeached in United States history — and the first from Queens.

I’m reminded of the years-ago National Lampoon parody of a small-town newspaper. On the front page, a gigantic headline: “Two Dacron Women Feared Missing in Volcanic Disaster.” And underneath, in smaller print: “Japan Destroyed.”