tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8343608.post6481997380272907063..comments2024-03-28T15:17:18.477-05:00Comments on Orange Crate Art: How to improve writing (no. 79)Michael Leddyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05547732736861224886noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8343608.post-40486151523102775522019-01-25T15:43:00.056-06:002019-01-25T15:43:00.056-06:00I don’t know that show, but there’s an art-supply ...I don’t know that show, but there’s an art-supply store in a nearby city with something similar: “Everything will be okay.” The owners put it up during a final-exams week and kept it. Our fambly has invoked its message now and then.Michael Leddyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05547732736861224886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8343608.post-89429453888748414672019-01-25T13:49:05.367-06:002019-01-25T13:49:05.367-06:00Thanks! I do think the YM would want "communi...Thanks! I do think the YM would want "community" on its wall.<br /><br />If I were on the Sign Committee, I'd suggest going in an entirely different direction.<br /><br />Have you seen "The Good Place" on NBC?<br />People who have died and newly arrived in "the good place" (heaven, or so they think), sit on a couch facing a wall on which is written in huge type:<br /><br />"Welcome!<br />Everything is fine."<br /><br />It's pretty brilliant, I'd say. <br />Frescahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15323129046492056942noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8343608.post-53092640458456020342019-01-25T13:06:34.718-06:002019-01-25T13:06:34.718-06:00I like your needle statement a lot. It’s more dire...I like your needle statement a lot. It’s more direct than mine and less bound to the original.<br /><br />I went back and forth on <i>community</i> and decided to keep it in as part of a local statement.<br /><br />There’s a business here with the slogan “Still a-growin’, still a-goin’,” or something like that. You do better by not droppin’ the <i>g</i>s. :)Michael Leddyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05547732736861224886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8343608.post-18132175353205498692019-01-25T12:16:12.633-06:002019-01-25T12:16:12.633-06:00Oh, fun!!! THanks, Michael, for taking on the wonk...Oh, fun!!! THanks, Michael, for taking on the wonky signs I'd posted.<br /><br />Your rewrites are nicely balanced, as I would expect from you.<br /><br />Here are my two rewrites.<br /><br />1. I thought it was unnecessary to explain WHY to take syringes away. A clear request to do so seemed enough. Or more than a request: I like your New York version!<br />But this is a Fine Art Museum in Minnesota, where people are famously "nice", or, as T-shirt I saw the other day accurately translated it, passive-aggressive.<br />Bluntness won't do here.<br /><br />What I wrote for the museum bathroom stalls:<br /><br />Please take used sharps (needles/syringes) safely out of the building.<br />Do NOT put them in the bathroom trash.<br />Thank you!<br /><br />2. The YM sign was harder--I wasn't exactly sure what they even meant!<br />I think you nailed it. They want to emphasize trying hard and community.<br /><br />I'd say triteness is OK in this instance--they are a sincere nonprofit who DO want everyone to have a better life--that's their roots.<br /><br />And the YMCA, unlike the YWCA, has retained religious language in their mission statement. <br />I looked it up:<br />"YMCA Mission: To put Christian principles into practice through programs that build healthy spirit, mind and body for all."<br /><br />I tried several ways and they all sounded too corporate, so I went with an entirely different tone--one that doesn't really fit the place, I admit. (And I dropped "community"--I think it's unnecessary anyway.)<br /><br />My rewrite for the YM:<br /><br />"We won't stop striving till everybody's thriving."<br /><br />Frescahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15323129046492056942noreply@blogger.com