Monday, April 25, 2005

How to improve writing (no. 9 in a series)

From the insert to a concert program, thanking a couple who donated $100,000+:

We thank the [Blanks] for their commitment to the cultural life of this entire region.
As opposed to ... most of the region? a large part of it? There's no need for entire, because big or small, a region is by definition a whole. I'm reminded of reading sentences that begin "Throughout the entire novel": there too there's no need for entire. Better:
We thank the [Blanks] for their commitment to the cultural life of our region.
Or just the region, but the slight extra emphasis on the first-person plural is a nice touch.

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